like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
