I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
