Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
