I puked a lego.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
