She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
