i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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