I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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