Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
