His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
