He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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