My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
