Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
