The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
