my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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