If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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