I skipped work to stalk him.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
