I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
