I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
