i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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