Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
