Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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