I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
