My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
