the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
