Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
