Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
