It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
