Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
