Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
