Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
