found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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