I will die if light touches me.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
