I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
