my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
