help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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