Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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