Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
