I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
