Plan B is the new Plan A
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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