So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
