I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
