i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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