I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
