Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
