You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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