Little spoons don't ask big questions
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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