Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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