I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
