just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
