I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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