I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
