I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
