dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
