New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
