....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
