doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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