I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
