if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
